hot stove + christmas

the yankees just picked up javier vasquez, trading away melky. great trade for the yanks. great response to the redsox' acquisition of lackey. vasquez was once with the yankees, but since he was traded away for randy johnson he has been pretty lights out. he pitches a ton of innings and gets a ton of strikeouts. he finished 4th in the cy young voting this year, right behind the lincy, wainwright, and carpenter. and the yankees traded away an outfielder with a good arm who never reached his potential at the plate. the worst part of the trade was that he was robinson cano's best friend, but nobody gives a damn about that. nobody likes you cano. nobody cares about your feelings. we'll trade you too if we have to you damn flashy second baseman who never has a gameplan at the plate.

another benefit from this trade is that it leaves the option of re-signing damon or signing bay/holliday. yes, its possible. it might be overkill but never say never with the yankees. with melky gone the yankee starting outfield looks like gardner, swisher, and granderson. basically it looks like poop. nice poop, but still poop. its ok though because they aren't done yet.

the sacramento kings came back from 35 down to beat the bulls last night. its the curse of andres nocioni.

in the spirit of christmas, here is my very own special gift guide for you readers:

for the guys:
guys like video games, outdoorsy stuff like sports gear, electronics, and power. power, meaning, the right to choose. we are all pro-choice. ask them what they want and they will tell you. it might take some time to overcome their politeness, but with time they might slip you a little something they either need or want. Also, guys like gift cards. unlike women, who are all sentimental about the thought that goes behind the gift and all that mushy crap, guys like gift cards because they can take the card and choose what to buy with it.

for the girls:
girls like shopping. girls like clothes. girls like shoes. girls like bags and jewelry. girls are expensive. however, if you really want to impress a girl, get her a sentimental gift. homemade cards, tickets to a special event, a picture frame with a picture from that time you guys went ice skating and kissed for the first time, or other things that are going to make me puke as i type. these are the upper tier of gifts for the special ladies. if you don't mess up, you have a 62.1% chance of getting lucky. this stat is provided by the elias sports bureau. the next tier is sorta the lazy tier. if you want to empty out ur wallet for some expensive bag or shoes or something, you are either lazy, rich, and/or desperate for punani. this is the safe present, because getting it will get you an "omg, you're crazy. i cant believe you got this for me." i don't recommend this because then its difficult to top yourself the next time, and although it increases your chances of getting lucky to 75.7%, you are setting the bar pretty high for yourself. plus it is quite risky. you dont want to accidentally get her a bag from coach when all her friends are getting fendi. then you look like a dick and a cheap bastard. if her friends get fendi and you make her a scrapbook? score! also, don't get her a gift card. that's lazy and pathetic and you're better than that. well, at least pretend you are.

so in summary, girls are sentimental, guys aren't. if you have a girl, make sure you just get her something to let her know she is loved..unless you are dating a guido-ette. then you need to get her prada or some shit like that. or a free year of tanning or something. if you have a guy, anything will be ok.

good luck boys and girls!

youtube oldie but goodie, from 2008.



-jk

sports thoughts

isn't it kind of weird how when someone makes the news, that person suddenly becomes the "best" in the sport?
roy halladay gets traded this week to the phillies, and everyone now says he's the best pitcher in baseball...a few months ago it was without question lincecum. when kobe leads his team to the championship, he is by far the best player in basketball. regular season, lebron is by far the best player in basketball. jeter is the best shortstop possibly in the history of baseball when he breaks gehrig's record, but at other times he's not even the best SS in new york (reyes, a-rod).

with that said...halladay is the best pitcher in baseball. he is going to kill it this year for the phillies. cliff lee was great, but halladay has had better statistics in the AL EAST playing for a crappy bluejays team. barring injury he might win 25 games. seriously. i think he is that good.

question for the phillies. since this is two separate trades, with lee to the mariners and halladay to the phillies, why not keep both for at least a year? is philadelphia not a big enough market? i know money was the issue, but you're not kansas city. you can afford the hit. and doesn't lee, halladay, hamels, blanton, happ, etc. with that offense pretty much guarantee another WS visit and possible victory? is that not worth sacrificing some money? oh well, i wont complain, i hate the phillies.

as for the yankees, they drop chien-ming wang(i wish i had a good penis joke here but sadly i cant think of one). they lose matsui to the angels . a-rod and kate hudson split up. meanwhile, boston picks up lackey, so they now have 3 starters who have won a world series clinching game- lackey lester and beckett. they also added mike cameron since they are probably losing bay. the mariners add lee to king felix and chone figgins with ichiro. im getting a little scared.

oh yeah, mets. if you don't get bay or holliday or anyone else, just fire everyone. jerry shouldve been fired by now, but minaya is also terrible. listen to this trade...this guy once traded..are you listening, baseball fans? with the expos, he traded for Bartolo Colon by giving away BRANDON PHILLIPS, and then prospects CLIFF LEE and GRADY SIZEMORE. he has also traded away jason bay and chris young. and now he can't even contend for the playoffs with the highest payroll in the nl. nice, nice, baby.

the AP votes tiger as the athlete of the decade. good choice, bad timing. btw, a lot of people say, tiger is so stupid, he has a really hot supermodel wife and he has to go out and cheat on her? yes, because cheating on a non-supermodel wife is excusable?

the bcs needs a playoff system. currently, the computers and coaches use a formula with the teams' records, strength of schedule, etc. to determine who the best teams are and should play for the title. they have mightily defended this shitty system and refuse to implement a playoff system despite the outrage around the league.

the youtube video of the week is a song written by eric hutchinson called BCS SUX. it is good. listen and learn.



a little jack johnsony/jason mrazzy but its about sports so it does not make you any less of a man for liking it. also, there's an open mailbag policy, email a question to jkang0825@gmail.com and you might make a post someday! how exciting is that? no? not that exciting? not even a little wood? god you guys are hard to please.

-jk

yankees

so the yankees are just about done acquiring the tigers curtis granderson. this guy is a pretty good ballplayer, but he has a low batting average and can't hit lefties. the question is, are they giving up too much? they will be sending away phil coke, ian kennedy, and most importantly, austin jackson.

austin jackson is the #1 prospect in the yankee minor league system. i think yankee fans are kinda sad to see him leave...i think many want him to be the next great home-grown yankee. they want him to be jeter, bernie, pettitte, rivera, or posada. they want to win with guys in our system. it makes them feel better. but more importantly, it negates all the things the yankee haters say. many yankee fans are extremely sensitive to those haters out there who say "congrats on paying for a championship and buying the best players with your billion dollar payroll". while i can understand the insecurity, if you're a fan of the yankees, who gives a rats ass what other people think? who cares if we have an owner who actually spends his money? its not our fault our owner cares about winning, right? im sorry, yankee haters, i cant hear you over the shine of the 27 rings that we have. yes, rings make a lot of noise when you have 27 of them.

anyway, some noteworthy things that has happened recently in the world of sports:

alabama vs. texas...the college football system sucks

donaghy came out with an interview on 60 minutes...we all suspected the nba was rigged, but damn.. its really rigged!

iverson is back...76ers still suck.

peter gammons is leaving ESPN...no word on whether he will stop sucking the redsox' cock if it had one.

greg oden out for year, confirming that he is indeed benjamin button.

charlie weis is and mark mangino are still fat.

/end

i have a confession to make...i have slept with tiger woods. speaking of tiger (i can't resist), here are some of the best(worst) jokes found on the internet about tiger woods. it's not too soon, is it?

Q: What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?
A: Tiger can drive a ball 300 yards.

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

He who drives well in fair way does not fair well in a driveway.

Q: What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal?
A: Both get clubbed by scandinavians.

Q: What's the difference between Oscar the Grouch & Tiger Woods?
A: One puts his junk everywhere, and the other is a Muppet on Sesame Street.

These are in such bad taste, I'm so offended. The internet is killing America!

-jk

Michael kAy

This guy is so weird I don't know what to make of it. The announcer for the Yankees, lucky. Great ESPN radio show in New York, im jealous. But he's pretty annoying, many people hate him and he's dumb.

I heard this morning that he's never, in his entire freakin' life, had an EGG, a BANANA, or a cup of COFFEE. What!? I can understand trying it and not liking it (although that's a bit far fetched also). BUT NEVER EVEN TRYING IT? Why?? Why wouldn't you try it? You're like 50 years old. What do you eat for breakfast, shit? Because that is my alternative to eggs, bananas, and coffee. Shit. I would eat shit if it weren't for those 3 things. There would be nothing else to eat.

Why is it that the greatest baseball franchise has the worst announcers? Michael Kay on tv is terrible, and susyn waldman/john sterling are even worse. Michael Kay is so dumb. I think he knows about 10 big words and he uses them frequently and incorrectly. He rips players for petty reasons and when he starts to rant it is unstoppable.

Top 5 Kay peeves:

5. Anytime he uses the words aformentioned, behoove, incendiary, conundrum, fallacy of the predetermined outcome, etc.

4. Driven DEEEEEEEP to left field/right field/center field. (most of the time they are not even driven deep)

3. Anytime he asks a question. Most of the questions are really really dumb. Why would Randy Johnson develop another pitch so late in his career? Isn't he good enough already?
Does that freezing spray trainers give players really work?
After an injury, why can't you just take batting practice to know if you are ready?
After all those years of crouching John, do you ever like sitting around the house and going into a catcher's crouch?
Why yes, Michael, you freakin' douche I do it all the time.

2. His voice. You can hear the spit flying all over the place. He gets too emotional and too passionate. Objective reporter? no.

1. His home run calls, especially on a walk off win... SEEEEEEE YA


John Sterling/Suzyn waldman are worse. how sad. They have absolutely no chemistry, it's like hearing 2 different terrible broadcasts simultaneously.

John Sterling has a seizure every time the yankees win...the YAAAAAAnkeees win. his home run calls are god awful.

an abomb for arod. robbie cano, dont ya know. a thrilla for godzilla. please stop.

I would say something about suzyn waldman but I have yet to understand a single thing she's ever said.

i probably couldn't do a better job, i'd probably have worse puns, and i probably don't know as much baseball as any of them. so actually i'm just complaining and being a bit hypocritical and there really is no point to any of this.

this is an awesome blog.

-jk

updated tiger

so he probably cheated on his wife. i think this voicemail explains it all.



I don't know how many of you are big tiger fans, but this really disappoints me. He released another statement, this time about him and his family. All of this media that is now covering him is the wrong type of media. The media that never had a reason to cover Tiger woods before. The TMZ/National Enquirer/loser scumbag media.

I think many people, including myself, see Tiger as inhuman on the golf course and expect that same perfection in his personal life. From the outside, we see the greatest athlete on the planet with a supermodel wife and 2 children. He had many humorous interviews and commercials, just an awesome guy overall. But did we ever really know Tiger?

He's not a perfect father, not a perfect husband. He says he will try to be better, but this ugly incident that seems to be getting worse will certainly hang over him for the rest of his career.

Ok, move on Tiger, just go win golf tournaments man. You know who's happy about this story? Anti-TigerWoods fans, aka racists, and other pro golfers, Phil Mickelson in particular. They love that tiger isn't perfect. I have a feeling though that most Tiger supporters feel for him and will continue to love him.

For old times sake, here's Tiger at his best. The buildup, the situation, the announcers thinking it was an impossible shot. Cool stuff.



I'm officially deeming Tiger's case closed. no more talking about him till he's back playing golf.

-jk

tiger woods

So it turns out he is human. Many people want an explanation for his actions, but I don't mind the statement he gave. Let him be. it's kinda ironic though that all this time I wanted him to teach me how to use a driver, when it turns out he doesn't know to use one either. zing!

We still don't know what really happened that night at 230am, but supposedly he got into a fight or something with his wife and crashed his car while backing out of his driveway. Things like this happen to everyone from time to time, right? Men are stupid, women are crazy. Respect his privacy. He doesn't owe anyone anything unless he did something illegal (like doing this while drunk or high or after beating his wife or something).

A bit of advice: Tiger, I know you're reading this...just go out there and keep winning, and this will pass over. If we can forget about kobe in colorado, we can forget just about anything.

Congrats to Jeets on winning SI's sportsman of the year, first yankee ever. I don't know how this guy does it. He's bagged just about every girl in hollywood and you never hear a peep about him off the field. good publicist, i guess.

-jk

NBA season

Is it just me or does the NBA really suck this year?

Headlining the sport has been the terrible all-defeated Nets, the god-awful Knickerbockers, and the other same old shit that's been annoying the non-basketball fans all these years (where's lebron going, where's wade going, where are all the white girls going when kobe comes to town, etc.)

of course, I'll be sucked back into the NBA when football's over and the all-star weekend comes along. But the NBA has got to have the most anticlimactic start of the season out of all of the major sports.

The start of spring training, the start of training camp for football, and the start of the college seasons are all highly anticipated. The NBA and the NHL? a sidenote at the end of the MLB playoffs/middle of NFL season.

Now, I realize starting a sports blog that begins with an whiny NBA post is not a good way to attract readers, but whatever. I'm doing this for myself.

Oh and by the way, Rick Effin' Reilly, I'm not one of those people blogging in my mom's basement and pushing up my glasses and watching anime and not having a job. I'll have you know my room's on the first floor, bitch. Obviously I have no access to players, no access to locker rooms, no access to find out any information other than what I find online. You have all of the advantages, and yet you are still sucking. You used to be good, now you're just trying to be like Bill Simmons and he's not even that funny. You are smarter than me, you are a better writer than me, so stop trying to be what you're not.

Phew, that rant was heated..take a breath.. 3,2,1.

Okay, seems like an appropriate time to end this post and with a quote that will pretty much sum up everything you need to know about this blog:

"I told him,'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?'
He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care."
--Utah Jazz President Frank Layden, on a former player


-jk